those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
