Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
