I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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