I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
