Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
