So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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