i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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