I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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