We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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