Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
