Don't make out with my wife yet
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just gift wrapped bread.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize