____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
handjob tips. give me some.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
