is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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