my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize