True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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