OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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