She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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