You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
