All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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