batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
