just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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