you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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