I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
