today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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