he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
