What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
