oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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