how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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