Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
