I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
