3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize