No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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