I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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