So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
