Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
