He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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