FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
