his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
