Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
