I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Randomize
