Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
