i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize