Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You are a genius and a whore.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
