I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
