i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
