so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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