i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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