i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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