I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
