hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
