I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
This is the high leading the old right now
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize