just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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