I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
