I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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