So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize