Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
