the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
