Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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