My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
