it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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