Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
