we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
