you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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